What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
15.06.2025 04:57
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was in good health!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Why do people think Justin Bieber is worse than Joseph Stalin?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But it wasn’t much.
Oldest human DNA ever found tells the story of a lost branch on the human family tree - Earth.com
So, i spoilt her more .
And i lived it daily.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Kquorans, can you please write a story?
My life is so biszare .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
How do I identify fake friends in life?
I write beautiful poetry .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
What's the funniest thing you heard in a movie theater?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I couldn’t, believe it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But, we were locked up after school.
She loved him until the end.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What is it like to be a Christian in Iran?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
How do you recognize when your mental health might need attention?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I was seconnd youngest,
Put me off passion for life!!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It was going to be , some day.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
What did i know ?
This is soul school!.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I don,t even have a pension.
She wouldn,t have been !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
When she asked me how she looked .
He knew the spot.
I was scared of men, in general
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I never cut or harmed myself..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I said to her
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But ive been too sick for many years..
She found it foreign!.
We were not on the streets..
All the time i was locked up.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was 9 years of age.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I have no regrets .
Would this be the day?
I think the readers, may guess!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i do to all so called friends.?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Comes on , in middle age.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im still living with it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I will be 64.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
One cannot live in the past .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I waited trembling.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Ive learnt so much.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He resisted the act ,that day.
I could never make a relationship work though!
Why did i forgive my father ?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
My family never makes their pension either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We all went to grammer schools
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I was very sick at this time too.